Yes or No? Shower Sex

 

showersex

 

Yes or No is my new weekly series. Every Monday we will explore sexual situations and see what makes them so great and why they aren’t for everyone. First up is shower sex.

 

When we’re looking to take sex out of the bedroom, an obvious option is to fuck in the shower. But the idea divides people. Lover or hater of some steaming, wet sex (with possible slip accidents), here are the pros and cons of getting it on in the shower.

 

  • Yes for period sex. It’s seen as cleaner in general, especially when it comes to easy clean up at the end and at any point during. Upright sex will leave gravity in charge of flow but when you can wash it away and never see it again, who cares?

 

  • Yes for the warmth. Chilly and horny? Fuck in the shower. The steam and heat also act as a relaxant.

 

  • Yes for time saving. Always short on time, we often have to choose to do something, losing out on the other. Fucking in the shower means there’s little to no down time between cumming and scrubbing.

 

  • Yes for the chance to focus. The sound of the water is distinct and loud, working well to block out neighbors slamming doors and your own thoughts.

 

  • Yes for outside the bedroom. We have many ways to keep sex new and exciting but taking our asses out of the bed is the easiest and cheapest.

 

  • Yes for water play. We stumbled upon this accidentally and it’s amazing for my sub space. On my hands and knees, head under the spray, my senses are bombarded. All I hear is water. The primary feeling is  the spray on my head and back, water pouring down my face and hair sticking to my forehead and neck. I can see only the floor, where my hair swirls slowly in the water around my fingers. It makes my mind quiet and my body come alive. Orgasms are always strong for me this way.

 

  • Yes for taking your breath away. Shoving your head under the harsh spray of the shower takes your breath away. It makes me shudder from head to toe and gasp for air. An incredibly mild form of breath play, but pretty safe and very fun.

 

  • Yes for masochistic excitement. Hard floors and hard walls. If you cum hard from your head banging into a wall and bruised knees, you’re in luck.

 

  • No for tired times. The shower isn’t the best place for sleepy, exhausted sex. The positions can be taxing and it can make you a little too sleepy.

 

  • No for bruised knees. I like bruised knees and show them off with pride but we all have different jobs. If you don’t want bruised knees, stay on your feet. You could put a folded up towel on the floor but know it’s going to end up soaked.

 

  • No messy bathrooms. Kids stuff, toiletries, bleach. Those things might not turn you on. If they don’t then tidy up or shove them in the sink where you won’t be able to see them.

 

  • No for bad sub space location. Once sex is done with, if you’re in sub space it can be awkward and unnerving. It’s easy to get cold fast and the floor being slippery means if you need help getting up, it can get dangerous. Play with care.

 

  • No for extra lube. Shower sex is better with lube. Water messes with lube. We have a choice of either pure water based or water and silicone mix and neither of them handle the spray well. It can be done, but positioning and extra lube help.

 

Shower sex, yes or no? Do you stay on your feet or get down and dirty on the floor?

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Coconut oil

lube1

Solo anal training wasn’t working. It was slow and awkward and lonely. I didn’t particularly look forward to it and really, looking back on it, things were totally wrong. The only place it happened was in the shower with a geisha plug and water based lube. The lube is lovely and all, but water based in a shower with wet fingers and plug didn’t spell success. I worked at it most days but I had to be on my hands and knees with the hard floor pissing me off. Then I’d get cold. And then I’d be tense and uncomfortable and this would cause pain. I managed to get the plug in fully and learnt some pleasant tricks along the way but I think I’ll be putting that phase well behind me. On to bigger (literally) and better things.

 

The instructions for me were simple and I was allowed to fiddle with them to my liking so that I was as comfortable as possible. Home alone, I played a little with the plug and ella. I tried my hand at anal douching but I don’t think I needed it. At least I know the sensation for later. A little bath with him later, I was laid on my stomach on the bed and the massage began.

 

lube2

 

Coconut oil is fantastic.

 

Shoulders first, down my back, near my hips. Avoiding my ass he went down to my feet and up my calves and thighs and finally to my ass. The massage was relaxing (and found a whole lot of tense muscles to be worked on) and the oil was like no ‘sex oil’ I’d dealt with. It felt soft and smooth, lasted a hell of a long time and smelt lovely.

 

Due to the position, I assumed nothing much would be going in. It never has done before in that position. But he worked slowly on the outside and for the first time I had a strange tingling sensation radiating from my outer ring, over the whole of my ass, down my thighs and up to my shoulders. Once I was used to it and properly allowed myself to experience it, my ass relaxed a little and a very pleasant throbbing began.

 

This was His first chance to get a good poke around since I was relaxed and there was no discomfort. The only problem was sharp nails.

 

To prove how relaxed my ass was, I got up onto my hands and knees and allowed Him to play with the geisha plug properly for the first time. I introduced Him to the tricks I’d learnt with solo play, including the angle to tilt the plug at the start, how spinning it feels very nice and how you can wiggle it a bit.

 

Before this, I was able to get the plug in fully once. At the widest part, it wasn’t 100% comfortable. This time there was no friction or tension.

 

In the end I was able to take a good amount of our icicles glass plug – more than I’ve ever taken. We were both calmer, happier, and felt closer.
There will be no more solo training.

kotw – A pinch a day…

Keeps the masochistic tendencies at bay.

It’s all about the nipples. Whether it’s because I ran to the shower without saying anything and closed the door on Him or just for fun, pinching stays in that area. Nine months of breastfeeding under my belt, my nipples stand up to a lot and this is a huge plus for both of us. Some days He can twist and pull and yank and my expression never changes. Other days I have to fight to stop myself squealing at the tiniest of pinches. On the days where I can take a lot it becomes a game. When He struggles to bring out any reaction I attack His own to see who crumbles first.

 

I prefer the harsher options these days but attacks on my nipples are close enough to my heart that we have put off getting them pierced. Like the thought of getting a dog: pretty to look at but the thought of taking it out for a walk in the rain? No thanks. We would both miss nipple play too much for it to happen right now.

 

For now they shall serve as a shockingly effective way of getting me onto my tiptoes quicker than you can say ‘Up!’ when I’m refusing to get up from the shower floor.

 

Pierced nipples and their increased sensitivity shall be in my dreams for some time to come.
Clothes pins, on the other hand, are a marvelous invention. A little pink glitter glue and some wooden pins later and I was a happy – if slightly squirmy – girl. I adore them on my tongue, when my love of pain and drool get combined. The worst is when I’m told to put them on tongue, both nipples and clit. The process is fine, giving me something to focus on, but keeping them on after that? Ow.

 

Massage is shit

I read recently about a couple who insist on an hour of massage before any kind of play or sex. A full hour. Aside from wondering how they managed to fit anything else into their lives, I realised I was incredibly turned off by the idea.

Massage is all about relaxation and I cannot get over that fact. We’re told we should fuck when we’re relaxed but massage doesn’t leave me eager for dick. It does the opposite. It turns me off to the point where I get agitated if further sexual contact is brought up.


Neck touches will result in me throwing myself at His dick. Anything else done in a stroking, fluffy, romantic fashion, pisses me off. This is likely made worse by the fact that I have some minor nerve issues and light touch can actually feel painful but, even if it doesn’t hurt, it bothers me.

As pure foreplay, massage does nothing for me. It doesn’t excite me and I get wetter from a minute of kissing than hours of lubey touching. It’s boring. My idea of perfect foreplay includes pain. Slapping, hair pulling, implied force. That’s my idea of romance. Yes, massage and similar styles of gentle stroking can cause me pain but it doesn’t have the same effect. That pain is not intentional. He is not causing it on purpose so where’s the fun in that? It’s soft and gentle. I want hard and rough. Even when I’m feeling at my most vulnerable or I’m on the verge of being ill – hell, even on my period – I end up wanting and needing the sex to be rough.

My submissive mindset is trampled on by massage. I don’t want things to be about me in that way. If massaging me gives Him pleasure, I’m not aware of it or at least He’s not cumming down my back while He rubs my shoulders. If I feel there is too much attention on me I become self conscious and awkward. Who can get in the mood to take dick in that state?

 

I don’t miss it. There are far too many fun things to pick from.

 

 

Medication and how it affects dynamics

I’ve been on my fair share of meds. Ones that put you to sleep, ones that are meant to wake you up, ones for depression, psychosis, bipolar. Birth control. Travel sickness pills. All of them have affected me to the point where the dynamic changes. This is my own personal account of these medications and, as such, likely won’t affect you in the same way.

 

Anti-psychotics(while with the ex) – Also known as the no sex with other people phase. I had a sex drive, somewhere under everything, but only when I was alone and at odd times of the day. It would show up out of the blue and go just as quickly as it came. I didn’t want to be touched or talked to.

 

Your basic depression medication(while with the ex) – Rather unsurprisingly, these made me want to kill myself. My sleep was dramatically affected throughout all depression meds and i believe it was that which brought about my change in attitude. When I was last on antidepressants (the ‘pure’ kind) the dynamic was just starting but it affected it. I would spend hours feeling unable – mentally and physically – to do anything. Going to the bathroom was a painful task of getting my arse up and actually walking. All that time feeling useless meant that I was stewing in my own mind and as soon as I found the energy to be present, I was stubborn as hell. I wouldn’t just be told to take my meds. It would take hours of back and forth. I would dig my heels in and rebel a fair amount. He either understood or quietly wondered what the hell he was getting himself into, but he allowed me to tantrum and whine. But in the end, I still did what I knew I had to.

 

Weaker bipolar medication(while with the ex) – This was the ‘take this for sleep’ stage. I was told to trust my doctor and do as I was told. Something else I fought over. Bipolar mixed states were difficult for everyone around me but, to be fair, I wasn’t able to care about them. I would snap and snarl and grouch around for a few hours a day before sinking back into depression. Through this stage and later stronger bipolar meds I became fixated on sex even though I wasn’t having any… Or maybe that’s why I was so obsessed.

 

Stronger bipolar medication(through leaving the ex and going to Him) – I met Him on Seroquel. A high dose that would knock me out for over twelve hours in twenty four. If I didn’t take it at the exact time as the night before or earlier, I would begin to lose all sense of reality very quickly which made everything risky. Newly living alone for the first time in my life, with all the stresses that brings, I was a hassle. It was a struggle. I would ask to be treated like my issues weren’t present only to take it all back within an hour because I suddenly couldn’t cope. My issues weren’t with how he was treating me but with trying to keep myself stable. Sex was present at this point and, at that time, was the best I’d ever had.

Later, when the meds started to have terrible effects on my heart, we were both scared. We fucked, yes, but as soon as we were done there was a hand on my chest, feeling my heart pounding its life away. We didn’t stop having sex, but I can’t help but wonder if he went easy on me when he knew of the problem.

 

Withdrawal(after 8 months on Seroquel) – Coming of my Seroquel was horrific, lengthy and lonely since I was still living alone. I had breakthrough symptoms of psychosis. I didn’t sleep for a week. I felt sick whenever I ate anything and lost a little weight because of it. Again, He eased off with His expectations. All suggestions of trying to nap in the afternoon while I knew He was awake were shunned. Sleeping in the middle of the day felt, oddly, like cheating.

 

Birth control – I’ve been on no less than three types of birth control pill. My current, Yasminelle meaning no period for six weeks. It’s the best thing I’ve done in regards to birth control. No more panicking about expecting a period so soon has meant I have been able to relax. It has also taken away many of my problems with periods (the heaviness and length) which means we now have sex regularly through my period. I have issues with this still but without the pill this wouldn’t have been possible. It has brought us closer together and means I no longer have to feel like I’m putting sex (the activity I get a lot of comfort out of) on hold.

 

Travel sickness pills – If I’m in a pleasant place emotionally, these leave me feeling rather high, fluffy and horny. If not, I grouch, have a panic attack, sleep with incredible emotional discomfort and then wake up horny. Either way, we get there in the end. I also get incredibly strong orgasms while under the effects of my travel sickness pills. Bonus.


All of those things, all the symptoms, were related to who I was with at the time to some extent. The ex saw me as a nuisance more than anything and was incredibly pro medication until I couldn’t do chores. Daddy, however, is the perfect combination of understanding and firm. From the beginning we spoke about my medication and issues openly and from the start He was accepting. I believe that is what helps a person more than anything else.