Safe sex to us revolves around trying very hard to not get pregnant. Sadly, no current form of contraception is perfect for me. The NHS suggests a grand total of 15 options so you would think I’d find one to make me happy. I have spent endless hours researching. We have spent months discussing. But the following doesn’t please this picky bitch.
15 – Natural family planning. I don’t understand why anyone would do this. The paranoia would piss me off. Checking my vagina a hundred times a day and still having to use another form of contraception if I want to fuck during the time I’m most likely to get pregnant? No.
14 – Sterilization. If I was a little more naive, this would be appealing. Fortunately I got to see someone deal with the after affects of this. My mother has had many medical issues that resulted in her having a hysterectomy and go through the menopause early. Plus, since I’m only 25, I don’t feel quite ready to throw away the option of another child.
13 – Vasectomy. I couldn’t ask Him to do this. I wouldn’t want Him to. I feel like a guy who has been told to get his dog snipped. The thought of it doesn’t settle well with me. Plus, ouch. No.
12 – Diaphragm. I don’t like shoving my fingers in my vag. I’m sure I’d get used to it eventually but I’d actually rather not swirl my fingers around in there every time I want to fuck. On top of that, the possible increased risk of cystitis with a long history of bladder problems and kidney issues running in my family makes this a no.
11 – Cap. Pretty much the same as with the diaphragm option. I dread to think how much these things would cost me in Finland.
10 – Progesterone only pill. I tried this once and it made my body go crazy. The side effects were peculiar and I came off it when the pain had me on my knees in the supermarket one Friday morning.
9 – Female condom. I’ve never used one. I’ve never seen one. But again, I don’t like thin plastic type things going in me.
8 – The ring. This sounds like a possible option for me. If I manage to get over the idea of putting something in me and leaving it there for 21 days. I can’t help but dread the paranoia.
7 – Male condom. We used these for around three months from the start of our relationship. I wasn’t on the pill at that point and as soon as I went back on it, we stopped with the condoms. I craved the feeling of His cum in me. To me it was a deeper sign of Him owning me. With regular sex and a dick too big to fit into any regular, supermarket bought condoms, it was costing 0,61e each time we fucked.
6 – IUS. Now we’re getting into some real possible options for us long term. I dread the idea of having it fitted, though. I’ve read too many horror stories.
5 – IUD. I like this. 10 years is a good chunk of time and the price overall for this country isn’t too bad at just over 100e. But the dreaded insertion.
4 – Injection. I don’t like injections. I tend to faint and feel like I’m going to throw up and have a panic attack. But I’ve heard good things about it.
3 – The patch. Lovely. It doesn’t invade my body. I stick it on and off we go. But you have to remember to take it off on the right day and put a new one on. Fiddly.
2 – Implant. Somehow, I can get my head around this idea. It sounds reasonable. Not thinking about contraception for three years? Hell yeah. But can I be brave enough? That’s yet to be seen. This is what I will go talk to my doctor about.
1 – Combined pill. My current choice. Specifically Yasminelle. I’m currently having six weeks on the pills with one week off which is great for me. I have ongoing iron issues and randomly heavy periods so this was the best quick fix option at the time. I ran screaming from anything that suggested heavier periods and my doctor offered Yasminelle. But I’m not happy. I’m not happy with the headaches. I’m not happy with the incredible bloating I get on this. I’m not happy about the increased risk in regards to diarrhea because of my IBS. I have no control over it. I feel more and more like I’m not in control over my own contraception on the pill. I want something less fussy. I want something easy. But I also don’t want to be fainting while making breakfast.
I’m told there is something for everyone. It’s just a matter of finding it. Now more than ever I’m seriously considering getting the implant.
What form of contraception do you use? Do you use the implant? If so, what is your experience?
Written for Wicked Wednesday