I’ve been on my fair share of meds. Ones that put you to sleep, ones that are meant to wake you up, ones for depression, psychosis, bipolar. Birth control. Travel sickness pills. All of them have affected me to the point where the dynamic changes. This is my own personal account of these medications and, as such, likely won’t affect you in the same way.
Anti-psychotics(while with the ex) – Also known as the no sex with other people phase. I had a sex drive, somewhere under everything, but only when I was alone and at odd times of the day. It would show up out of the blue and go just as quickly as it came. I didn’t want to be touched or talked to.
Your basic depression medication(while with the ex) – Rather unsurprisingly, these made me want to kill myself. My sleep was dramatically affected throughout all depression meds and i believe it was that which brought about my change in attitude. When I was last on antidepressants (the ‘pure’ kind) the dynamic was just starting but it affected it. I would spend hours feeling unable – mentally and physically – to do anything. Going to the bathroom was a painful task of getting my arse up and actually walking. All that time feeling useless meant that I was stewing in my own mind and as soon as I found the energy to be present, I was stubborn as hell. I wouldn’t just be told to take my meds. It would take hours of back and forth. I would dig my heels in and rebel a fair amount. He either understood or quietly wondered what the hell he was getting himself into, but he allowed me to tantrum and whine. But in the end, I still did what I knew I had to.
Weaker bipolar medication(while with the ex) – This was the ‘take this for sleep’ stage. I was told to trust my doctor and do as I was told. Something else I fought over. Bipolar mixed states were difficult for everyone around me but, to be fair, I wasn’t able to care about them. I would snap and snarl and grouch around for a few hours a day before sinking back into depression. Through this stage and later stronger bipolar meds I became fixated on sex even though I wasn’t having any… Or maybe that’s why I was so obsessed.
Stronger bipolar medication(through leaving the ex and going to Him) – I met Him on Seroquel. A high dose that would knock me out for over twelve hours in twenty four. If I didn’t take it at the exact time as the night before or earlier, I would begin to lose all sense of reality very quickly which made everything risky. Newly living alone for the first time in my life, with all the stresses that brings, I was a hassle. It was a struggle. I would ask to be treated like my issues weren’t present only to take it all back within an hour because I suddenly couldn’t cope. My issues weren’t with how he was treating me but with trying to keep myself stable. Sex was present at this point and, at that time, was the best I’d ever had.
Later, when the meds started to have terrible effects on my heart, we were both scared. We fucked, yes, but as soon as we were done there was a hand on my chest, feeling my heart pounding its life away. We didn’t stop having sex, but I can’t help but wonder if he went easy on me when he knew of the problem.
Withdrawal(after 8 months on Seroquel) – Coming of my Seroquel was horrific, lengthy and lonely since I was still living alone. I had breakthrough symptoms of psychosis. I didn’t sleep for a week. I felt sick whenever I ate anything and lost a little weight because of it. Again, He eased off with His expectations. All suggestions of trying to nap in the afternoon while I knew He was awake were shunned. Sleeping in the middle of the day felt, oddly, like cheating.
Birth control – I’ve been on no less than three types of birth control pill. My current, Yasminelle meaning no period for six weeks. It’s the best thing I’ve done in regards to birth control. No more panicking about expecting a period so soon has meant I have been able to relax. It has also taken away many of my problems with periods (the heaviness and length) which means we now have sex regularly through my period. I have issues with this still but without the pill this wouldn’t have been possible. It has brought us closer together and means I no longer have to feel like I’m putting sex (the activity I get a lot of comfort out of) on hold.
Travel sickness pills – If I’m in a pleasant place emotionally, these leave me feeling rather high, fluffy and horny. If not, I grouch, have a panic attack, sleep with incredible emotional discomfort and then wake up horny. Either way, we get there in the end. I also get incredibly strong orgasms while under the effects of my travel sickness pills. Bonus.
All of those things, all the symptoms, were related to who I was with at the time to some extent. The ex saw me as a nuisance more than anything and was incredibly pro medication until I couldn’t do chores. Daddy, however, is the perfect combination of understanding and firm. From the beginning we spoke about my medication and issues openly and from the start He was accepting. I believe that is what helps a person more than anything else.